The Pitfalls and Perils of Girth, Episode 1

When you are of larger proportions, you have a tendency to sweat more, especially when you work out. Usually, I have a towel at my side to mop up the flop sweat. Last night, however, on my way out the door, I forgot said towel. Not having realized it until I got to the gym, I dug around in my car for an emergency sweat sponge. Under my driver's seat, I found my old beat up Yankees hat. That would have to do. I crammed it on backwards and hoped that would act as a levy for the waves of sweat in my future. About 10 minutes into my 45 minute session on the elliptical, the hat is holding just fine. Every once in a while a trickle of sweat would escape and make a break for my cheek like an upper-bowl concert ticket holder jumping the rail and trying to make the front of the stage before security wrestles him down. A simple flick of the finger would eliminate the streaker. 20 minutes in the dam is holding, but it's quickly reaching a critical point. I am a sweater by trade, I've always said that I can sweat eating ice cream and when I work out it's even worse. One particular launching pad for the sweat drop divers is the end of my nose. Like clockwork, they gather and drop in a slow leaky faucet rhythm. While on the elliptical, I've got everything working in a symphony of legs/arms/fat/hair/sweat all in motion. So when the sweat gathers at the end of my nose, a short blast of air from my nose will take care it. At about 22 minutes in last night, a gave a short blast to disperse a quivering sweat drop and out of the corner of my eye, I see something go shooting from my nose, onto the elliptical just out of my reach. Yes folks, a booger was on my elliptical for everyone to see. I make it a rule not to stop while working out, I'd rather just power through and finish up. However, this little snot rocket was a different animal all together. Now the old Fatty Boom Batty, would have stopped right then and there got a paper towel sprayed the machine down, called it a night and shorten the work out. But this is Fatty Boom Batty 2.0, new and improved. I had over 27 minutes left and I wasn't going to stop, so I rode the booger out. Did anyone else see the shooter from the grassy knoll? Don't care, doesn't matter. I rode the booger out, finished my 45 minutes, dowsed the machine and thoroughly wiped it down and went home with that natural rush that a good 45 minute sweat gives you.

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