Munchies on the Filing Cabinet

Just yesterday, the following email was sent out to our department:

"There is a cheese ball and Bacon dip with crackers out for your enjoyment."

Now I'm all about community and team building at work, but don't they understand the ramifications of a cheese ball, not to mention bacon-fucking-dip, would have on me? The alluring make-your-own-personal-pizza-oven is one thing. To wage war with it's warm, orange glow and fresh ingredients you have to enter it's lair; you have to go looking for a fight. But this battle is on home turf. The cheese ball staged a full-on frontal assault with the bacon dip serving as reinforcements. It's almost the perfect combination, the perfect twin assassins. Who couldn't resist cheese rolled into a ball and covered with nuts? Don't get me started on bacon dip. Seriously? Bacon dip? That would be like having a dip made out of money. Bacon is money, baby...MONEY. Seriously, you could wrap bacon around a cat turd rolled in hair and I'd probably eat it. The only thing that could possibly outshine the bacon would be chocolate ganache. You could put chocolate ganache on a homeless guy's foot and I would eat it, the whole foot...I'm not kidding. Even though the tandem of cheese ball and bacon dip brought the pain, they didn't take this hill. I resisted the onslaught and am proud to say that at the end of the day the Fatty Boom Batty flag was still flying at the top.

These are the daily battles in this office. That file cabinet is like a caged octagon for food battles. Today it's left over cookies from this morning's training session. If you look at the top of Fatty Boom Batty Hill, you'll see the chocolate chip flag waving...it's not about the battles it's about the war.

78 days left