Temptation...

Today was build-your-own-personal-pizza day in the cafeteria at work. They usually only do this gluttonous ritual on Tuesdays. I've learned to not even walk by the cafeteria on Tuesdays. I've fell victim to the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven's siren song before. It's just easier to stay away, bring your lunch and not even have to worry about it. But today is Friday, dammit. Here I come, strolling into the cafeteria lunchless and worry free. Then I see it, the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven, the buckets of fresh ingredients waiting to be piled on your very own build-your-own-personal-pizza crust, the long ass line of people waiting. One lady even said, "Oh my God! I love build-your-own-personal-pizza day! You made my day!" Seriously, these fucking build-your-own-personal-pizzas are that good. I stood there, not knowing what to do. They've got broccoli, I can see it, I'll just get broccoli on it, that makes it healthy right? I freeze, literally standing motionless like a frightened rabbit, hoping the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven doesn't see me. Don't make eye contact, you'll get lost in it's cozy orange glow and slow moving conveyor belt and cooks your build-your-own-personal-pizza to that perfect bubbly cheese goodness. Look away dammit! Oh shit! It's seen me! "Hello Fatty Boom Batty." the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven coos. "Hey build-your-own-personal-pizza oven." Is all I dare utter. "I bet you didn't think you'd be seeing me today, I haven't seen you around here lately. Where've ya been?" Still staring at the floor, I start mumbling, "well you know how it is, work's crazy...I've worked out every day so far this week....going to Hawaii...only got 15 weeks...I've started blogging about it...." I trail off into that self preservation silence that rape victims often do when they are trying to find that happy place. "15 weeks? You've got plenty of time," the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven reasons, "why don't you come over here and I'll whip you up a build-your-own-personal-pizza with hamburger, onions and extra cheese, just like old times?" I hesitate, "yeah, I better not." It smells my fear and turns up the heat, "C'mon, I'll even put broccoli on it." "Really?" I'm slipping, slowly taking a couple steps closer. "Yeah, I mean the broccoli will make it healthy right?" Fuck, build-your-own-personal-pizza oven is good, real good. "You know build-your-own-personal-pizza oven, that is so funny I was just thinking that if there was broc....wait a minute, what are you doing?" "Me? I'm not doing anything, just trying to make you a pizza." And with that I started coming out of the fog. I focus on Hawaii. "I've got to go." And I make my getaway. Luckily there is a mass of other build-your-own-personal-pizza zombies clamoring to get their fix. Five minutes later, I'm at my desk eating my freshly made tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat with a side salad. "Hey buddy!" it chirps, "I'm a fresh tuna salad sandwich on nutritious whole wheat bread!" "Shut the fuck up." I grumble.

103 days left