Back in the Saddle

Today went a little better than yesterday. I think I was trying the hammer in a screw. Earlier, I was talking about priorities and making working out a priority, as it should be, but you also have to be able to take what's given to you and make it work. I was trying to do too much. I'm not saying you sit and wait for it to come to you, or that you need to kick down every door. There has to be that sweet spot that is right in the middle of both. There are times when you can force it and grab it by the nuts and take it where you want to go. Then there are times when you have to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. This whole process in a completely new way of thinking for me. I do have to be motivated since there are only 97 days left, but I can't get frustrated when it doesn't always work the way I think it should. It's a delicate balance and I'm still trying to get used to it. The main thing is I've got two days of good workouts under my belt and I'm looking forward to tomorrow's workout. I've got to realize I can't hit the treadmill and run 5 miles. I also know that I can't hop on there and stroll for 15 minutes and call it good. Main thing is doing something. Have I done everything possible today to help me in this battle? Not as much as I'm going to be able to in just a few weeks if I keep this up. I'll get there.

97 days left

Monkey - 0 Football - 1

It's taken me a bit to come up with this post. I usually write them at the end of the day to summarize the day's events. Last night I didn't feel like it. I'm a week into it, so I weighed myself yesterday; up 1.2 lbs. I managed to work out 5 days in a row (M-F) last week (sure I didn't work out over the weekend or Monday and Tuesday of this week, but I was still "active"), which is something I can't ever remember happening before and I gain weight. I felt about as successful as a monkey fucking a football. Sure it's fun to watch, but he doesn't get any where. So I thought I would sleep on it, get a fresh perspective on it. That didn't work. I've literally tried to write this fucker two or three times this morning. Trying to come up with clever analogies to summarize it all up. Or pull some clever motivational rambling ala Vince Lombardi out to get me going, but that's all bullshit. I typed a couple paragraphs, didn't like them. So I went to think about it some more (take a shit) and as I was in there, it came to me, don't think, just write, that's what I decided to do. When I got back to my desk there was an industry email with a quote in it and it made me realize something. Here I'm spouting off about how the motivational phrases are bullshit, all it should take is me getting my ass on a treadmill and sweating out the last four years of trash and abuse I've done to myself and this random quote from the author of "Memoirs of a Geisha," sent in a daily work email shoots holes in my self-deprecating theory:

"A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory."

Fuck me, there it is. The past week kicked me in the nuts and here I am doubting the whole thing. Just when I think I'm done, they pull me right back in. I can't make this shit up folks, I just write it as it happens. Yes, last week fucking sucked and I took a few strides in the wrong direction, ya know what, at least I'm walking. Time to get back on that football. 14 weeks.

Current weight 326.2 lbs
97 days left

Mobility test

I'm typing this from my Crackberry just to see if it works. Guess it does. We are officially under a 100 days, shit has to start cracking. Didn't do shit AGAIN today. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm looking forward to being able to do something again. We'll see how it goes.

99 days left

Third time's the charm....

Another late night and I didn't do shit for a workout today. I did see an amazing concert tonight and helped my parents paint their bedroom. I don't know if I'll have time tomorrow. Like I said a few days ago, it's all about priorities. Whatever.

100 days left

Only two days isn't really a bender, right?

So today was another blur. My head hit the pillow this morning @ 2:45am and we were up for church just a few short hours later. Then my parents are in the process of moving to a new house and we went to help them. So I was thinking that would be strenuous enough, carrying all their stuff. Not so much. So it was another wasted day on the battlefront. I can't wait to get back to the rhythm tomorrow and start walking again at work, time is running out.

101 days left

zoom zoom

Today (I guess now it's technically yesterday) was a blur. It started with my alarm going off to work out at 7:10am, then me actually getting out of bed at 8:30am. Then off to meet a buddy who had skybox tickets for the Husker game in Lincoln. The skybox was amazing, taco bar, fruit, cookies, you name it. I did have some fruit but was still enjoying the tacos when they brought the hot dogs in. Then home for an hour and then off to meet the boys in Flatfoot 56 for their show in Omaha. Show kicked ass as usual and we just got home now from a little fellowship at Village Inn over slices of French Silk pie. Needless to say I didn't do much today (yesterday) to wage war on the the waistline, if anything I think I might have aided the opposition. Hopefully tomorrow (today) will be better.

102(101) days left

Temptation...

Today was build-your-own-personal-pizza day in the cafeteria at work. They usually only do this gluttonous ritual on Tuesdays. I've learned to not even walk by the cafeteria on Tuesdays. I've fell victim to the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven's siren song before. It's just easier to stay away, bring your lunch and not even have to worry about it. But today is Friday, dammit. Here I come, strolling into the cafeteria lunchless and worry free. Then I see it, the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven, the buckets of fresh ingredients waiting to be piled on your very own build-your-own-personal-pizza crust, the long ass line of people waiting. One lady even said, "Oh my God! I love build-your-own-personal-pizza day! You made my day!" Seriously, these fucking build-your-own-personal-pizzas are that good. I stood there, not knowing what to do. They've got broccoli, I can see it, I'll just get broccoli on it, that makes it healthy right? I freeze, literally standing motionless like a frightened rabbit, hoping the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven doesn't see me. Don't make eye contact, you'll get lost in it's cozy orange glow and slow moving conveyor belt and cooks your build-your-own-personal-pizza to that perfect bubbly cheese goodness. Look away dammit! Oh shit! It's seen me! "Hello Fatty Boom Batty." the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven coos. "Hey build-your-own-personal-pizza oven." Is all I dare utter. "I bet you didn't think you'd be seeing me today, I haven't seen you around here lately. Where've ya been?" Still staring at the floor, I start mumbling, "well you know how it is, work's crazy...I've worked out every day so far this week....going to Hawaii...only got 15 weeks...I've started blogging about it...." I trail off into that self preservation silence that rape victims often do when they are trying to find that happy place. "15 weeks? You've got plenty of time," the build-your-own-personal-pizza oven reasons, "why don't you come over here and I'll whip you up a build-your-own-personal-pizza with hamburger, onions and extra cheese, just like old times?" I hesitate, "yeah, I better not." It smells my fear and turns up the heat, "C'mon, I'll even put broccoli on it." "Really?" I'm slipping, slowly taking a couple steps closer. "Yeah, I mean the broccoli will make it healthy right?" Fuck, build-your-own-personal-pizza oven is good, real good. "You know build-your-own-personal-pizza oven, that is so funny I was just thinking that if there was broc....wait a minute, what are you doing?" "Me? I'm not doing anything, just trying to make you a pizza." And with that I started coming out of the fog. I focus on Hawaii. "I've got to go." And I make my getaway. Luckily there is a mass of other build-your-own-personal-pizza zombies clamoring to get their fix. Five minutes later, I'm at my desk eating my freshly made tuna salad sandwich on whole wheat with a side salad. "Hey buddy!" it chirps, "I'm a fresh tuna salad sandwich on nutritious whole wheat bread!" "Shut the fuck up." I grumble.

103 days left

Unrealized Expectations

It's really all about priorities. You've got to make working out a priority. What I used to do would be to fit working out into my life. If it happened then great. But if there wasn't time, hey, there wasn't time. That type of thinking is what got me where I am (fat and blogging about being fat). I needed to make working out a priority. Work other things around that and if those other things happened great, if not, no biggie. At the very least I still worked out. It's almost like having to go to the bathroom. You know you have to do it, but the longer you put it off the worse it gets. Next thing you know, you've shit yourself. I guess you could say I'm tired of shitting myself.

Today was a classic example. I've got from 2:30-3:30 blocked out on my calendar every afternoon this week so I can hit the gym. What usually happens happened; one meeting bleeds over into another meeting the next thing you know, it's 4:30 time to go home and you've missed your workout. Now the old Fatty Boom Batty would chalk it up to being busy at work and we'll get 'em next time. Not anymore. We've got an elliptical in our basement, I'd just do that when I got home. Trust me, I didn't want to have a single thing to do with this contraption, but I made a commitment. Besides, if it wasn't for you, my faithful reader (yes, there is probably only one) keeping me on task, the night would have gotten away from me and I would have spent it on the couch like in the past. I usually do 45 minutes on the treadmill, so I thought, "what the hell" and programmed the elliptical for 45 minutes. 10 minutes in; I wanted to quit. 15 minutes in; this is long enough right? I mean I'm sweating like a motherfucker, so that's got to be good. 20 minutes in; maybe I should only do 25 or 30 minutes since an elliptical is that much more strenuous. 25 minutes in; maybe I should stop, I don't want to overexert myself and burn out too quickly. 27 minutes in; fuck yeah! I feel great! I think I can do an hour! 30 minutes in, 31 minutes in, 31 minutes 15 seconds in, 34 minutes in, 35 minutes in, 35 minutes 10 seconds in, 35 minutes 24 seconds in; I wanted to quit. But I kept going. 8 minutes left; you can do it, what's 8 minutes? When you sit down in the airplane bound for Hawaii and be comfortable, this will be worth it. 5 minutes left; Fuck me, that was the longest 3 minutes of my life, is this fucking timer broken? 2 minutes left; nope, that last 3 minutes was THE longest 3 minutes of my life, this thing is definitely defective, wonder if we kept the receipt? 1 minute 30 seconds left; I think I might puke. 45 seconds left; I can't feel my legs. 10 seconds left; almost there, do I smell burning hair? Am I having a stroke? BEEP BEEP the timer goes of and I get off. I made it. It feels good. Have I done everything today that I possibly can to achieve getting fit? Almost, but I didn't shit myself today, I made it and got it done, so for now, I'm counting this as a win.

104 days left

It starts with a single step and then a single post....

They say that everyone has that one "Fat Picture" where they hit rock bottom and say, "Holy shit! I've got to change something." The picture above is my Fat Picture. In exactly 15 weeks from today, my wife and I will be at a resort in Hawaii, soaking up the sun. 105 days from right now, we'll be there. Four years of trying to get pregnant, now in the waiting pool for an adoption. Four years of giving everything and not getting anything in return. So we said, "Fuck it, let's go to Hawaii." Everything is booked and paid for, now we just got to get there. I want to be able to enjoy the flight since we'll be in the air for a while. I don't want to ask for a seat belt extender and then worry if my leg is accidentally pressing the recline button for my seat during take-off and have the air hostess yelling at me to put my seat back up. I want to be able to walk on the beach and not be worried about people spraying me with a mister so I don't dry out before they can roll me back into the ocean, but most of all, after Hawaii, I want to be a dad who can actually sit on the floor and play with his kid without wheezing and only taking a knee like it's football practice. 15 weeks.

The journey began today. Actually it's been trying to start the past couple of weeks, but what can I say? I'm lazy. This week though, something clicked. I've walked at work the past 3 days over my lunch. Today was the first official day, first weigh-in. 325lbs Holy shit am I fat. Officially the most I've every weighed in my life, awesome. Enough excuses. Time for action. 45 minutes on the treadmill over lunch 550+ calories burned. Taco Bell for dinner, ugh. One step forward, two steps back. But I'm up and moving, that's something.

Why blog about it? Why not? It's my attempt to keep me accountable. My goal is to have 100 posts in the next 105 days. All the way up to when we leave for Hawaii and maybe some after that. This is my online journal, no more excuses, no more bullshit. 15 weeks.

Current weight: 325
105 days left