Calorie Nazi

So I've officially become that guy that looks at the nutritionals of EVERYTHING. Since I've started keeping track, I've become relentless. I've got an app on my Crackberry that helps me keep a daily log of what I've eaten and the caloric value. I've got another app that helps me look up caloric info of foods if no nutrition labels are available. I've become that annoying guy that emails restaurants asking for their nutritional information if it's not available online. If I don't know the calories, I won't eat it, plain and simple. I've become a Calorie Nazi. We had a meeting after church and there was food out for the meeting, all I had was water. I've started driving the people around me nuts when we eat. I have to know what the calories are, or I won't eat it. The other day at work, everyone got a little stocking with chocolates in it. There were mini III Musketeers, mini Ree$e'$ PB cups, and a bar of solid Ru$$el $t0ver'$ chocolate in the stocking. Luckily the nutritionals were on the bar of chocolate, 310 calories for the whole bar. I took out my trusty $harpie and wrote 310 on the packaging. Then I divided the bar into eighths, by drawing 7 equal-distant lines on the box with my $harpie...that's 39 calories per section. Breaking it down into baby steps, my friends. I went online and found that there are 24 calories in the mini III Musketeers and 38 calories per Peanut Butter Cup. Again, the magic number written in $harpie on the packaging. My wife brought home a bag of Almond K!sses and has them sitting in a crystal Christmas tree bowl as part of the holiday decorations. 23 calories each and yes, I took 10 minutes to write "23" on every single Kiss in that bowl and the remaining smooches still in the bag in the drawer. The more you know the more you can prepare. All I want to know is how many calories are in it...that's all, not too hard to ask. Every good mission starts with reconnaissance...and a $harpie.

59 days left